PROJECT: LIBERATION

Of all my most beloved fictional characters in high school, there's this one guy which Rizal created that I've always wanted to identify myself with: Simoun. Playing both the hero and villain in El Filibusterismo, he came across to me as the strongest and coolest character ever written. As the alter ego and evil version of Noli me Tangere's Crisostomo Ibarra, he delivered the rightful vengeance for Filipinos who were wrongfully treated by the bastards of Spain. But towards the end of the novel, this guy failed me--- and I know that's what Rizal exactly wanted us to feel.

It's hard to wake up every morning feeling all the sun rays trickle down happily against your cheeks. When you get up, there will always be two things that you ask yourself: WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY, and WHAT WILL I DO TODAY. And if that yesterday wasn't exactly good, you summon the rain clouds and start to create a scheme on how to get back to those people who hurt you. No matter how much encouragement you get from people around you, your mood will always boil down to your very own mindset. And when that mindset spells H, A, T, and E, you sure are blocking those sun rays for the rest of your day, week, month, or year. Or even years. It goes on and on, and before you know it, it's eaten up your whole character and has transformed you from an Ibarra to a Simoun.

Question number one: When you hate, whose heart feels bad? Whose mood gets destroyed? Whose work gets affected? Whose friends turn away due to negative vibes? Answer: None other but YOURS. Your supposed enemies would be the least affected, I'm telling you, and they don't even give a damn about your bottle of hatred. The Spaniards went on with their daily habits of plunder and violence while Simoun created a bigger ditch of hatred every single day. Life goes on for them, and so should yours.

Yes, you'll tell me it's easier said than done. We're not talking about issues like Ghadafi or Marcos or that one person who you want to cut the throat of here. That's another story and I'd be glad to refer you to a psychotherapist or to an anger management coach should you get yourself caught between these crazy caricatures. I'm talking about those little feelings that accumulate from your day-to-day experiences, that which can be healed with the first aid we call LETTING GO. To put it bluntly, you DON'T have to MAKE A BIG DEAL out of unnecessary things.

Question number two: How many times did it occur to you that, after getting yourself so pissed with people who were just being their plain 'antipatika' selves did you just laugh at the very thought of even hating them? Answer: ALWAYS. Annoying things and people have their purpose, first and foremost, to annoy us. Second, to annoy us further. And third, to annoy us to the farthest. Point is, that's their ONLY purpose so just let them do their day jobs while you attend to yours. Freakazoids.

As I grew older I understood the metaphor of Simoun when I had my share of tests of hatred and annoyance. And because I haven't perfected the art just yet, I let these emotions drive their way to block my finish line. But even though I know this could be THEIR race, I force myself to realize that I have MY own finish lines. Annoy me all you want, if that's your ONLY freaking cheap purpose --- because I'm pretty sure I do have a BIGGER one. :)