Kill me, Trent Reznor, for ripping off the title of your 1997 classic Nine-Inch Nails hit, but there's no other way I could, for the first time, discuss a real medical condition with my friends here.
It's been years since I discovered I have this course specifier depression called 'seasonal affective disorder' or SAD (more commonly known as 'winter depression' but I refuse to call mine such since there's no winter on this part of the planet). It's a kind that occurs regularly every year at the same time, and in my case, starts when the leaves start to fall and ends when the trees begin to flower once more. I never tried seeking for professional help, because I know it's not exactly serious or perhaps for fear of discovering more, but upon doing a little research I found out that one, 75% who are affected are women and two, it is usually caused by the changes in the availability of sunlight. At least those facts make me normal somehow. Plus, I'm not in a stage of denial after all.
That explains why I get abnormally down when I hear Christmas songs. People find it funny, but those beautiful tunes remind me that down time's here again. I sleep longer than usual, feel more comfortable being alone, and eat more as a defense mechanism. Despite the excitement and the hype of the holidays, my biological clock tends to run slower than usual with the absence of light. I hate it when I get out at 6pm and the evening sky looks like a 10pm. I usually just recover when the 6pm sky looks like a 4pm again --- but that can happen only when summer approaches.
Mommy always tell me to carry my own weather, but it's not at all easy. That's why I admire people who have this great disposition, that whatever the weather, they see blue skies and sunny days. It's been years but all I did was search for the perfect drug. Not Prozacs or light therapy but rather something that can help me divert psychologically. Honestly, I can't remember year on year now whatever those were. I just know I'll eventually feel better.
S.A.D. might have been proven physiologically, but I still want to prove there's no perfect drug but our own minds. #
AUTUMN
by William Morris
Laden Autumn here I stand
Worn of heart and weak of hand
Nought but rest seems good to me
Speak the word that sets me free.
Thanks for sharing, Ayn. I remember you told me about this before, but I didn't know that it's an actual medical condition. Don't you worry. Some people are just plain miserable all year-round. You're strong, and a ray of sunshine yourself. :) Let's do something fun soon!
ReplyDeleteYou never know how those words can make me cope a little faster, Shaws. So grateful to have you religiously comment here. Hahaha. And yeah I look forward to doing something fun with you, soon enough before my graceful exit! :)
ReplyDeleteSyemps! :) Yes, definitely before your graceful re-entry into the big, bad world. Hihi joke!
ReplyDelete