Minutes ago I was in front of my laptop, trying my best to learn these gruelling vibrato lessons on a seriously challenging instrument (for which, to all players, I now have my highest respects). Out of frustration, or plain ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) perhaps, I just opened a new Chrome tab and tried to continue with my online lectures instead. In the end, I signed in to my Blogger account. Emphasis on ADD.
It's been months, good Lord, yeah since the last post I wrote was August. I don't think I have the writer's block again though, but maybe a characteristic lack of balance in my life.
To all who might know me better than the others, I have seasonal affective disorder or S.A.D. It's a state when I easily get depressed (for no apparent reason, take note), especially when the rainy or cold season approaches. They say it's something to do with the absence of sunlight, but anyway this year, I had unusually few episodes. In fact I can remember none so far. I have no major emotional shifts, or sudden epiphanies of maturity, but all I can recall is, things were just so fast that my tiny brain seem to not have processed most of what's been happening. The lack of time (or the lack of its availability for all things I have to do), therefore, has what saved me from S.A.D. episodes. Was it good? Perhaps on one end; because on the other, I had no time to attain some annual goals too.
Cramming. That's what I do best (Second best, actually --- first is procrastination). But you know, when you enter the 4th quarter of the year and you realize you've only hit 1 out of 5 targets, man, you'd really start getting into one of those depression moments. Well, at least for me, that is. But needless to day, it's never really too late.
October has so far been one of the most important months of my 2013. I don't want to say I'm cramming, but rather, moving forward (oh yes IBM friends, that's our favorite phrase) and catch up with my learning. If I'm going to start with rounds of S.A.D. episodes again just because I realize I haven't done much and am technically stuck at this point, will it then not be better to start doing them instead? Our plans are not perfect, and there's what we call God's time. But that doesn't mean we'd always have to let ourselves be pushed back. If Plan A doesn't work, there are 25 more letters in the Alphabet. Or try alpha-numeric combinations to produce an infinity of solutions. And the time to proceed to the next is always now.
I need not delve into detail as to the things I've started catching up, since I don't claim to be an expert, and don't aim to be one anyway. But if there's one thing I'd like to share prior to me reaching this point --- understand your objective. Ask yourself "Why am I doing this?", and be honest enough to admit the reason to yourself. Because if it's for plain vanity, forget it. Emphasis on FORGET IT.
Mom has done some forced re-arrangement on our room, and there have been changes in my current circle of networks, too, you know, people who come and people you have to let go. These are my clues --- if parts of my life are changing, I can't be left stagnant. So cheers to the things I've started to take on learning at last --- and cheers to my very, very realistic deadlines too. LOL. I pray that you too may find the rest of the year still worthy to catch up with. #
