THE SILENT INTROVERT

In the science of psychology, Carl Jung popularized the typology of personality where one can be classified either as an introvert or an extrovert. Introverts are the "withdrawn" types, refusing any form of social interaction during their recharge phase, in contrast with extroverts who regain energy from them. In more recent studies they came up with a third, the "extroverted introverts" otherwise known as ambiverts. Simply put, they are somewhere in between, maintaining a fair but rather selective social circle. 

Getting past an awkward adolescent phase has been one of my biggest struggles. I was not innately social for one. Getting new friends in school was just "part of the job" and if ever I did, I did not exactly maintain them well. It took me a while to understand my behavior. Because most of the kids in my school were either friendly or competitive, I thought I was just weird. Of course, I did not know about Carl Jung and these typologies early on. I did not question myself or hated my sense of non-belongingness though. As long as they leave me be, I get on with my life pretty well. 

As the years went on however, experience forced me to bend a little bit. When I started to work, socializing became literally part of the job. But though it did not hurt to extend social networks, at the end of the day I still retreat to my own room, reading or writing or drawing away from the crowd. Even today. Being an ambivert is confusing for a lot of people. I'd sometimes initiate to do something, be the one to approach first, withstand small talks, but often won't hear from or see me for a whole month (or more) unless necessary. It's not that I hate people. In fact I love people, because listening to their stories opens my world to more possibilities. So although we have the ability to adapt due to our needs or other reasons, indeed, there's a huge part of our being that will never be changed, and that is our nature. 

I know a good number of introverts in my life, and they are all amazing people. Sadly, there are a lot of misconceptions of them being "withdrawn," "anti-social," or "boring" set of people. I admit that even though I am one myself, because I have a higher degree of extroversion, I tend to force them to talk to me even when they are in their recharge phase --- and that's a big No-No!!! A couple of special people in my life are extremely introverted but are highly creative and imaginative in their own crafts. The same way as we have different types of intelligence, we also bring out our best differently through our personalities. I'm sharing this old yet I believe very accurate comic illustration by Schroeder Jones on how to care for your introvert family and friends. It's entertaining, yes, but remember the rules by heart!

So as a tribute to my beloved co-introverts, here's a simple haiku, likening you to beautiful butterflies emerging from out of your cocoons after your recharge phase. Thanks to you, we are reminded that Silence is a vital part of a process, and silence is process itself, both for the waiting and for the awaited. #

EMBRACE

When we were doing Psych 101 in college we had to come up with a simple study on any aspect of psychology. I don't know if one of my group mates had suicidal tendencies but she suggested we do an experiment whether it was true that people who listened to "Gloomy Sunday" would actually commit suicide. Except for her, we said it was interesting, but "too risky." Truth is, not one of us wanted to die at 16. Talk about gullibility. 

Thanks to another group mate, we ended up creating a study on the psychology of touch. Aside from an increased sense of trust, studies say that it promotes stronger team dynamics, greater learning engagement, and improves overall well-being, including a stronger immune system. The benefits would probably be more pronounced if both the giver and the receiver share a common love language of touch.

So we decided to create multiple categories of touch (fingers, hands, and hugs) to be applied as a social experiment to multiple categories of random people in school as well --- classmates, partial strangers (e.g. librarian), and complete strangers (i.e. just anybody who unfortunately falls into our sampling strategy). I already forgot if any one of us successfully carried out the "hug a complete stranger" combination. Maybe, but we ended up asking for first aid in the infirmary.

Evidently, that's one of the most unforgettable experiences for me. Aside from the literature review, I for one believe in the power of touch. Most of the time, we don't really need words to appease a loved one, especially if much has already been said. Sometimes, a sincere embrace is enough, because there's simply no substitute to a genuine, caring warmth. #

MOONLIGHT

To post or not to post the whole poem?

It's but seldom that I complete one in Filipino so I consider these instances rather rare and, well, special. Writing in your native language can be tricky, but the message more often than not comes across as more heartfelt. Although when I go back to reading my poems to myself one more time, it sometimes awfully sound either too mushy, formal, oldie, or all of the above. For this particular one though, I'm particularly saving it to be read personally to someone. :) 

But I'm sharing part of the piece though, one of the last few lines. Apologies for the weird graphics and borders. Still trying my luck on them.

I guess everyone has this person in their lives/lifetime who particularly shines the most, despite many other bright stars that surround you. Just like the moon though, sometimes they appear within our reach, but in reality, they're too far away to hold. Do you let that moonlight leave you in awe? Or do you choose to close your eyes and wish you've never seen it at all? #

OMENS

Writers are often stereotyped with manual typewriters, even in the age of computers and printers. Maybe because there's something classic about this machine --- the vintage look, the sound it produces with every hit, the smell of ink, and the way the letters proudly stand after you accomplished a page of your work. Ah, the letters. It's no surprise that the Old Typewriter font has been one of the oldest in the MS Word family, and a personal favorite too. 

But though it looks really simple, this has undoubtedly been the most challenging piece I've done so far. Even the use of a calligraphy pen or brush would never render it easier. The Old Typewriter font has a charm that exudes from inconsistency --- each letter is unique, as every hit on the typewriter produces a different texture depending on the ink on the ribbon. Thus, print-out templates and tools will never replace these beautiful strokes. 

In an attempt to reproduce a work from a classic typewriter, I used a simple black 0.4mm fineliner, similar to the previous posts. However, the work was as intricate as replacing a ribbon in a manual typewriter. First, I wrote down the whole text, just the text itself, using a standard Typewriter font template. Second step was to thicken the lines, but making sure I don't follow the straight lines so as not to produce an MS Word-looking font. This is the most challenging part, but it gives you the freedom to create a unique texture for each letter at this stage. The natural blotting of the pen helps achieve the look, but for me I used a combination of natural and artificial "pamamasma" of my hand (not kidding - it was hard to control the shaking after I finished!). Last is to put additional "graining" or some imperfections around the letters.

I know this is not perfect, but I'm sharing it anyway. It's simple but tricky, just as some people we know appear calm and easy on the outside, but have actually struggled or are struggling a lot inside. Maybe they listen to their omens, and they know that despite the pain today, things will always be alright. #

AGAIN

A few months ago, a friend of a friend made me try this calligraphy thing. I have heard of it years ago and I remember seeing a wave of social media posts of quotes or verses written in pretty, cursive fonts. Apparently it has become a household trend, and some genius thought about making it more accessible to ordinary people (i.e. non-artists like me) by using a special calligraphy pen which has an effect similar to a calligraphy brush (which is a bit expensive to maintain and requires a high level of technique). So I tried, and it turns out to be way more challenging than I thought! You have to have that delicate control over your hand muscles and temporarily forget about your natural penmanship --- emphasizing on that because I ended up forgetting everything she taught me on her 3-minute crash course and I just went about writing something totally different from the expected output! But anyway, the activity is cool, it's therapeutic, it increases your focus, and I personally love the fact that people don't find art, at least this kind, as alienating and as intimidating compared to before anymore. If you're interested, there are a lot of video tutorials in YouTube and downloadable text templates which you can practice from. If you're in the SG area, it would be nice to check out my friend's workshops by visiting Coffee + Calligraphy. Shameless plug. :P

As for me though, I still go old school. I'd consider myself more of an accidental 'creative' who practically uses just whatever scrap is available and whatever comes from heaven --- because I'm stingy like that. But maybe someday I'll invest on quality brushes and ink, and learn to write in Mandarin. :P For now, I'll make the most of what I have. :)

Leaving you tonight with a reminder to make good use of your second chances --- in life, in love, in everything that you do. Not everyone is graced with it. And it's devastatingly painful to lose something you value so much the second time around. #

SMALLER

As I pulled up my notebook again tonight and reviewed last night's output, I almost cringed with what I saw and was so embarassed how dare I share that to you. I realized I overestimated the first strokes and merely kept up with the whopping size of the letters. For the second attempt, therefore, I tried increasing the upper space to reduce the overall text size. After all, I've always been comfortable working on smaller letters, as I feel I have more control on both the heaviness and the speed of my writing. Not to mention the economic value of saving some ink. My classmates back in my school years hated borrowing my notes, since they're microscopic and incomprehensible altogether. That was unintentional, by the way. 

Tonight I leave everybody with some words from Jeanette Winterson, a writer who you probably haven't heard of because yeah, she's a woman. And oh, greeting you all a "Happy" International Women's Day (?). All over the world, a lot of women perceive themselves as already "priveleged" in terms of equal and unbiased treatment in the society relative to the opposite gender. I challenge every woman today, however, to reassess their position in this "modern" society. It's dangerous to feel comfortable at a time when the real problems are hidden. How many of us actually believe in this cause and value our equal footing so much so that we take that dreadful risk to be unheard and dismissed?

P.S. Penny (yes, that's the name of my pen) is tired tonight so he didn't want to join the snapshot. But he's happy to celebrate Women's Day with us. So much so that he didn't mind me giving him a rather feminine name. :)

STAYING

Ever since I was a kid I've always been fascinated by the Old English font type. It gives a classy and old school mood in the text, not to mention the rich emphasis of the bold lines and the balance that the fine lines give. Back in the days of no internet (and printing is too expensive), I would rummage through my dad's files and "borrow" his college diploma to look for letters that I could copy. I'd practice them in pencil, then overwrite with black Panda ballpen. After so many years, I have not parted with my love affair with Old English. Practicing without pencil and using a fineliner straightaway, I know my lines are pretty bad and my spacing, really awful.  I also just used a simplified version because otherwise the whole text would be too heavy. I'm nevertheless sharing them, using a couple of lines that popped out of my head today. I didn't manage to write a whole poem out of it though because, thesis. 

P.S. The pen felt sad yesterday so I included him in the snapshot today. :) #

DISTANCE

It's the last but most challenging semester, the "make or break" of it all. Tough, yes, but as usual, there's no other choice for us but to "make" it anyway. My buddy recently gifted me a set of pens and a little notebook to jot down important ideas for my thesis. Instead of jotting my fieldwork plans, however, I kind of "baptized" them by writing down something not related to thesis at all. Apparently most people here use blue ink more often (at home the only blue pens that I have are giveaways from somewhere lol). It was a standard store-bought 0.4mm fineliner with a durable tip, and though it blots quickly, the ink doesn't penetrate the other side of the paper no matter how thin it is. It amazed me, alright, so here's a couple of lines I managed to scribble tonight, an excerpt from a rather longer composition:

Hmm, these pens are a bit dangerous. But I'm old school and still enjoy using conventional pen and paper for writing. And maybe for some other types of experimenting. :) #