SCATTERED

I thought
I was fine.

I woke up on a Tuesday feeling somewhat light.
Light. Golden sun rays peeping through the rusting cold window sills.
Cliches. Cliches. I hate cliches.
But at one point in my life, I may have had to bite on a few.
Bite. And chew.

I thought
I was fine.

But though I only thought I was fine,
I was actually feeling really fine.
Fine. I wasn't.
But it wouldn't help thinking you actually are not.
Because you actually. Are not.

So I choose
To be.

It was not so hard a choice after all,
Thinking, it wouldn't have mattered anyway.
Because it never did. I was only at that point where I thought it did.
Walking now towards the forest clearing, I know it never did.
It never did.

I thought
I was not.
Fine.

Growing seeds of love, hatred, love, pain. Love.
I looked everywhere for that very concept,
For that very idea that everyone told me to be such.
Understanding. That's what I found. Pain. It's surreal.
Surreal. It's pain.

I thought
Thoughts.
Random, scattered trail of thoughts.
Perhaps the river will bring some calm.
Perhaps the seas will cover, divert,
Swallow what's left of it. Of me.

The big sea.
Salty, calm, and blue.
Scattered. Over me. #