Tracing those tracks did not help. At all.
So I'm in yet another episode of freaking S.A.D.* Having to meet up with and message old friends surely made diverting easier, but by doing that I realize I'm unconsciously retracing my tracks, at times literally. Was leisurely walking down my old route a few hours back, something I last did four months ago. And it doesn't help. At all. I'm starting to look for a part of my old life and badly want it back. From 1995, 1998, 2002, 2009 --- all those years.
Funny how people usually want their old lives back. Nostalgia, as they often call this medical condition. But what's funnier is that this "old" life we yearn for was once the "present" we never wanted. It's just so human to live in a realm of double standards.
Talk to friends, I was advised. It's actually hard for me take this advice easily because I feel like I should first define what a "friend" is, and to what level should this "friend" be in my specific situation. Do I need just someone who will listen? Someone who will tell me what to do? Or someone who bears way more sense to help me realize how senseless I have just become?
Again, I'm over-thinking. In the simplest sense, maybe I just need an outlet. Listening to Arctic Monkeys helped me quite a deal lately, else silence could have led me to some serious unscrewing. Just any outlet. Not necessarily someone to talk to. Not necessarily someone to read this pathetic entry. Because I honestly don't get what's happening to me now. But I know I don't always have to. #
photo credits: http://www.templates.com/blog/interview-with-a-3d-artist-of-the-month-andrius-balciunas/
*Seasonal Affective Disorder. Pls. refer to The Perfect Drug entry for more details. :)
Wag na S.A.D. Ayn :))
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