Ngayong araw na 'to nagdesisyon akong hindi nako magpo-post ng status sa FB dahil hindi naman nakikita ng mga tao yung buong kwento sa isa o dalawang linyang sasabihin ko. At ayoko ring sukatin ang effectivity ng mensahe ko sa pamamagitan ng bilang ng "Likes" dito.
"Good Will Hunting". This 1997 movie classic which won then amateurs Matt Damon and Ben Affleck an Oscars for Screenplay never fails to make get me thinking, "What am I afraid of?" It's an easy question, but not for me. I'm not afraid of heights, of animals, of solitude, or of failure. I'm not even afraid to die, honestly speaking. But now that the question has come up once again, I think I know the answer --- I'm afraid I'm not recognizing my fears enough to push me to jump off the edge.
I started writing years and years back. Not professionally, but just a means to keep me sane. And I always thought, I should be responsible for every word I say. I don't exactly believe I can incite anybody to sedition, or invoke someone to quit her job just because of my "advise". But I wanna be on the safe side and filter. I filter every single sentence, phrase, or word that's being written down, to the point of what one of my colleagues tell me, being "cryptic". That's why I never called myself a writer. I was presenting you labyrinths, sometimes not being able to get to a clear point in the end. And sometimes, I fail to write a whole piece altogether just because I'm afraid the mere topic can taint my reputation somewhere. Or that my office management's going to judge me for whatever personal opinion I express. You see, the complication scares me, leading me to paranoid censorship, that's equally comparable to stealing away some truth. And to that, my friends, I greatly apologize.
I want to get to the point where the only holds that will bar me is that of true censorship (you know, sensitive subjects that aren't really to be discussed in public, as ethics would put it), and of course anything that can put me behind bars for libel. But right now, the fear is simply being fed by a number of complications --- personal matters that hinder people to pursue the very thing that they believe will make their lives more miserable, but more filled to the brim.
But whether or not I get to the point doesn't matter now. I remember one line from a Baz Luhrman re-mix back in 1998 --- "Do one thing everyday that scares you." You'll perhaps run out of things that will scare you eventually (imagine 365 things you are scared of in one year? not practical). Maybe it's more on using every single day to overcome that one thing that scares you. After which, let's find something else that will scare us. How'd you like that? #
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