AFTER SPRING

Ephemeral.
Greens become auburn in the turn of day.
Not one more drop is enough
to keep your bloom like before.
Spring. Fleeting.
I could not recall.

Ethereal.
Stars are unmoved with the gentlest waft.
Blow me a whistle,
if whistles are not mockeries.
A stroke. A stir.
I can barely feel.

Elemental.
Sweet-smelling chlorine turns toxic to clean.
Douse your feet in the cold,
dancing stream.
Tingling. Scorching.
I stay submerged.

Sentimental.
Your warmth speaks to me like ten years past.
The glorious rays race down
where dewdrops cease to dwell.
Parched. Poignant.
It makes me think of home.

Eternal.
Days spent on sleepless attempts to sleep.
But I shall stay unfazed,
until the monsoon reaches east.
A chance. A gap.
I'll be waiting for June. #

wallpapers free-review

ELEKSYON JUNKIES. LITERAL.

Tinanong ako nung ka-opisina ko nung isang araw. Papasok ka ba sa May 13? Sabi ko, "Oo. Bakit, anong meron?" Sabi niya, "Eleksyon." Ay putek. Oo nga 'no. Bilang isang taong nagsusulong ng pagpapalawig ng kamalayan sa nagaganap sa lipunan, nahiya ako dahil nakalimutan kong petsa nga pala yun ng eleksyon. Pero matapos ang ilang segundo, keber. "Pasok ako. Boycott naman ako eh."

Ok so sa'n naman nanggaling na bigla akong nag-boycott? Dahil nakakasuka yung mga harlem shake version ng kung sinu-sinong pulitiko sa plaza na "nangangampanya" kuno? Dahil nakakairita yung gimik ni Chiz at Heart sa telebisyon? Dahil naglipana na naman ang lumang tugtugin ng mga trapong nakakaloka dahil mula Grade 1 ka sila na yung inabutan mong tumatakbo sa Senado? O dahil nakakaloka dahil sa kabila ng lahat ng 'to, sumasabay pa si Kris Aquino?

Answer: All of the Above.

Sabi nila, yung idealismo raw ng kabataan nawawala rin yan sa paglaon ng panahon. Sabi ko, "Hindi, pag namulat ka sa tamang laban, hinding hindi yan mawawala sa 'yo." Ang yabang ko pa eh. Pero dala na rin siguro ng edad at karanasan, hindi mo pala talaga maiiwasang maging cynic na rin sa mga ganitong bagay habang tumatakbo ang panahon.

Siguro nga dahil ganoon --- tumatakbo ang panahon, pero wala namang masyadong pinapagbago ang mga tao:
- Sa mga tumatakbo, first name lang ang napapalitan pero ang apelyido, pare-pareho. Binay, Aquino, Ejercito, Angara, Abalos, Eusebio, et cetera et cetera. Yung totoo? Monarchy na ba tayo?
- Sa mga tumatakbo, pag nangampanya sa pamamagitan ng debate, ikaw pa yung talo. Yung nag-Gang Nam Style, yun yung malamang panalo.
- Sa mga tumatakbo, palakasan lang ng trip. Sa balota, makikita mo: #32. Villar, Cynthia Hanepbuhay. Yung totoo? Kelan pa naging "Hanepbuhay" ang middle name mo?

Sa totoo lang ipit ako sa gitna. Siyempre andito pa rin naman yung idealismo at pag-asang sa pamamagitan ng pagpapahayag ng boses sa pagboto, maaaring makapagdulot ng pagbabago, gaya ng pagkilos ng Yellow Army noong nakaraang eleksyon para iluklok si Noynoy. Kaso lang, kung mamumulat ka sa katotohanan, yung isang boto mong "matino," lalamunin ng sanlibong boto ng mga fans ni Escudero.

Sa'n nga ba kasi galing ang maling pagboto? Minsan kahit yung kaibigan kong akala ko deretso mag-isip, madaling naniniwala sa mga isyu sa telebisyon. Mahirap bang palalimin nang kaunti ang nakikita natin para isipin sandali kung ano ba ang intensyon ng isang kandidato sa pagtakbo? Kasalanan ba ng media, o kasalanan din natin dahil may utak naman tayo para di agad paniwalaan ang sinasabi ng media?

Marami naman kasi tayong source of information. Magbasa. Magmasid. Pumunta sa mga website tulad ng comelec.gov.ph at tignan ang sample ballots kaysa Facebook ka nang Facebook diyan. Ang hirap kasi sa karamihan sa 'tin, pag eleksyon lang nagiging Pilipino. Subukan kasi nating makialam paminsan-minsan, para naman pagdating ng eleksyon, hindi tayo nangangapa at nagpapaniwala sa gimik ng kung sinu-sinong kandidato. May isang buwan ka pa. Hindi pa naman talaga huli ang lahat. #

SISIKAT DIN AKO

Nung isang gabi nagkaroon ako ng pribilehiyong abutan ang nanay kong nanonood ng TV bandang 8:30 ng gabi. (Oo, pribilehiyo nang makauwi ako ng gano'ng oras kasi... wag mo nang itanong kung bakit) As usual nakatutok siya sa Net 25, isang channel na malamang nilalaktawan niyong lahat dahil hindi niyo naman makikita dun si Anne Curtis o si Marian Rivera pero paborito namin ni mommy yun kasi bukod sa walang commercial, e may saysay doon ang mga palabas. So inabutan ko siyang nanonood ng Sessions --- saktong tugtugan lang yun at yung episode pa nun ay si Marco Sison at Jaya ang kumakanta. Tahimik lang kaming nakikinig, ganyan, tapos bigla niya kong tinanong ng isang epic question:

"Kung papipiliin ka kung saan mo gustong sumikat, kahit ano ah, anong pipiliin mo?"

Sabi ko sa sarili ko "Tssss madali lang yan eh. Syemps gusto ko maging sikat na writer." Kaya lang nung sasabihin ko na sa kanya, parang napaisip ako. Parang mas masaya yata maging rakstar at mamaalam sa mundo ala-Jeff Buckley. O kaya maging astronaut ng NASA. Pero gusto ko talaga magsulat sa New York Times eh. O maging Pablo Neruda ng Pilipinas. So ang sabi ko sa kanya,

"Gusto ko maging sikat na pianista."

O 'di ba? Ni wala ka ngang formal lessons at paulit-ulit lang na Fur Elise ang alam mong tugtugin eh. Tsaka duh, wala kayang pera dun. Pero masarap mangarap. Ang sarap mangarap 'pag walang nakatingin. Pero pag meron na, naiiba na ang kwento.

Nung bata tayo lagi tayong tinatanong ni teacher kung ano ang ating pangarap. Wala tayong pakundangang sasagot ng "flight stewardess!", "doktor!", "scientist!", et cetera, et cetera. E nung tumatanda ka, napapagtanto mong sa mga pinangarap mo dati,

1 - wala pala akong perang pampaaral
2 - ayaw nina mama at papa
3 - hindi naman ako dun yayaman

Pinangarap kaya nina Beethoven, Bill Gates, at Van Gogh na sumikat? O yumaman? Siguro hindi. Siguro sinunod lang talaga nila yung puso nila at ginawa ang mahal nila kaya minahal din sila ng mundo.

So magshi-shift ba 'ko from Finance to Music? Sa huli, sabi ko lang kay ma, "Wala naman po akong pangarap sumikat eh." Boom. #

WANTED: TFC... Tutors for Christ

"EVERY Saturday morning for one school year?? There's no freaking way I'm gonna deprive myself of a good Friday night sleep!" Or so I thought. Two Saturdays from now, it's gonna be moving up day for the kids in Balanti Elementary school --- and we didn't even have to count how many good Friday night sleeps we had to miss just for this.

The Cornerstone Project of the CFC Singles for Christ has been around for a couple of years now. Volunteer teachers from across the different SFC and YFC chapters journey every Saturday morning to a chosen beneficiary school to teach needy kids how to read in basic English and values formation. This year, we've been blessed to be part of these kids' lives in Balanti Elementary School Unit 1 in Cainta, Rizal (just near the Katipunan-Sumulong border).


For the most part, joining this project will definitely open you up to the realities, sometimes harsh, of our current education system. When we first met the kids last August, a group of around 30+ aging 9 to 13 (but still in Grades 1-3 level), we were actually surprised that a lot of them can't even read "play" or "find." But their school teachers give them passing grades just for the heck of moving them to the next grade level. You could make them sing songs, listen to stories, and play games, but could be really inattentive, rowdy, and uncompromising if they want to. And some even go there just to get free food. So how do you even start teaching boring English lessons one on one to kids who you very well know need special attention?

But over time we realized this bunch was indeed special. A lot of them learn, thank God, though some also may not. And you don't know what's wrong. Ate Tina and Ate July are really hands on in providing assistance to us and we even had coaching sessions to understand and identify if our kids had learning disabilities, but sometimes we ask ourselves if we're actually being helpful to them. But what amazes me is not the fact that us volunteers are alive and made it through until Feb so far. It's the fact that every Saturday, these kids keep going back. They go through the hassle of a sixth day in class when they can just stay at home and play. They walk or spend on transpo just to go to school when we all know they're saving these up for more important days. And we see no other reason but the fact that these kids, who have been marked by their classmates as "bobo" or "inutil" --- they just have that drive to go back and learn. Now tell me, who should be ashamed?

I remember last December in one of our trainings when Kuya Paul (Halal) shared to us that he keeps these little bunch papers from way back his YFC days. Inserted in his Bible, these little risograph papers are written some kids' "dreams" --- maging jeepney driver, maging karpintero, et cetera, et cetera. This is his inspiration up to this day. We were all similarly touched by the fact that these kids have so much ahead of them, way beyond dreaming of becoming a jeepney driver or carpenter, only if they have access to good education. Our country is big, and we have thousands of children needing attention --- but we can definitely do something to build even just one dream for this country.


And so my brothers and sisters in faith we invite you all to join the Cornerstone project. You don't have to be a teacher or have an MA to be one. Next school year we're gonna be opening 2 or 3 schools for this, so our current numbers will definitely not be enough. March 1 will be a review session for final evaluation with the kids so you might want to feel how it's like to be immersed in time for next school year. :)


So if you want to know how Saturday mornings were possible for the volunteers who have crazy shift ours at work, it's pretty simple: God's grace. Let's all be witnesses to this budding hope and transformation. #

PS. Kudos to current volunteers from SSS Chapter: Ate Tina (Lead Tutor), Kuya Paul (Halal), Ate JC, Ate Ciela, Darmie, and Aira. You guys rock. :D

DOWN THE DRAIN

It all fell,

Not one broken piece left,

Down the drain;

Where perhaps

It shall inherit the dampness,

The coldness, and darkness

Of the unfamiliar dwelling.

Yet from Above,

A light shall seep through.

From the holes where they passed,

There it shall lapse,

Racing itself to give life

Where the broken pieces

Are once again made whole.

Down the drain.

Water.

Light.

Life.

It's time. #

photo taken from Karlsruhe, Baden, Germany

SFC-WagaSSS: Because You Guys Are Worth Waaaaay More Than This Blog Entry :)

Hi there. I'm a newbie. I was a fresh CLP grad last August. My attendance wasn't perfect but I managed to get 76.92% of the talks complete. I'm not an active participant but I promise I listened and took to heart what all the speakers and sharers said. Hi. My name is Ayn. And for 4 months, I've been a proud SFC-WagaSSS member.

This year has been a tough ride for me, and up to now I don't exactly remember how the Universe conspired on my joining the community. My work is pure harassment. Not literally, of course. I have client meetings every Friday, for which I have to prepare for operational reports every Thursday night. Out of the 7 days in the week, there's just 14.29% chance that the CLP day's gonna fall on a Thursday. But it did. Great. Oh and by the way, a couple of weeks ago, they moved the client meeting to a Thursday instead. Even greater. :)

So it was a struggle for me to make it by 7:30pm then. I'm a humble commuter, by the way, so I have to compute much, much time (and effort) from Commonwealth to Marikina. But it's just how great God can bring things together, and every Thursday night was a miracle. I might have missed three, but still managed to get out of the CLP alive --- and nourished. :) And for months, thus far, I can pretty say things have changed, or rather, the community has helped me a big, big lot to change the way I see things now. Work is more stressful, but I guess it's the perspective with how you influenced me that made all the difference. And by the way, now I understand why our opening prayer usually starts with "Thank You for fixing our schedules." It's always a miracle indeed.

I know I owe God this great blessing of making me part of this community, and I most definitely am grateful to all of you for being His instrument. So to Ate Ecel, Kuya Jerome, Bro Owen, Ate Den-Den, Ate Tina, Kuya Paul, Ate Jelly, Kuya Migs, Ate Patti, Kuya Ronj, Ate Kim, Ate Rizza, Khaye, (Ate) Cheska, Kuya Remus, Kuya Vitus, Em, Emjay, Marjay, Ate Mich, Ate Anj, Ate Ciela, Ate JC, Ate Milan, Aira, Abi, Jojo, Annie, Rose, Lil, Justine, Cookie, Ate Jen, Ate Rose, Dhin-Dhin, Fem, Blue, Regina, Jackie, Ritchell, Harvey, Jay, and to all the WagaSSS Warriors I have yet to meet: thank you for welcoming me and making me part of this incredibly awesome community of believers. And thank you too for the LSS of worship songs that lasts until, uhhh, the next worship.

But as you said (or warned), this is not at all meant to create a perfect life out of us. To be honest, I've dealt with more problems when I joined the community, kamoteh! LOL. But that doesn't at all make me any jaded. I am unfazed. I love it here because I don't have to be any one, or to compete with anybody just to be someone. I have nothing but His grace. I carry nothing but our mission. :)

Someone shared to me that the Church is a hospital of sinners. I agree, and in our own unique ways we continue to seek for healing and change in the different areas of our lives as servants of God and as citizens of this country. Let's welcome healing and change all together as sisters and brothers. Having said that much now, here's to what has been a great year and an even greater and blessed year ahead. :D

OF ASTERISKS AND ALL THOSE SH*T WE USE TO CENSOR FOUL LANGUAGE

With 62 characters, that's the longest title I've ever put in for a blog entry. And 1.61% of those characters most probably caused some eyebrows raised on me when they saw it sandwiched between S, H, and T. --- that one lovely asterisk.

The social network generation was graced with the privilege to be able to express in an unbelievable speed today those thoughts that bother their curious minds, and the feelings entailed with the everyday experiences of their fast-paced lives. Facebook and Twitter are the best (abused) venues. And oh yeah with my weekend FB check I can see no less than a dozen censored status updates full of @, #, $, %, &, *, and all those characters I can display by pressing Shift + any number. Add to them the famous spelling twists just to make the bad words appear less harmful, but a little bit more conyo --- gagee, effin', demmet, wtf, bee-atch, and all other what-have-yous. 

So what about the use of foul language does people make them feel or think they look cool? I couldn't answer either, but I believe it's not the language that mattered in a particular instance when you feel so strongly about something, but the emotion per se. The words just follow, words that might have been an influence from a generation ahead or a simple product of our environment. And because we are aware that what we say or post can actually offend someone one way or the other, we censor those "generally not acceptable words."

Censorship. Ah, the beauty of it all. That other unfathomable side of language, that side most people would not dare get to the abyss of. But there's one thing about censoring your bad words that I don't exactly get. If you rather think it can offend someone, why use foul language in the first place? Sounding cool isn't exactly cool, if how you want to achieve it is by simply copying how other people from other cultures talk. And censoring them isn't cool either --- that's cowardice. If you want to say bad words, stand up to your expressions, freak.

I'm not a clean slate after all, and there are times I'd really, really like to at least write them just to express a bad feeling. But influence is a huge part of our expressions. From the time I joined the SFC community I can say I managed to cut a huge part of bad language, because I simply don't hear it from my sistahs and brothas. Although my frequent use of "freak" has yet to be addressed. Feelings are part of our being human, but how we express them is actually a challenge to prove we are indeed human beings, raised with breed and intellect. 

Influence someone today. If you've heard or seen one censored bad language, just do your part and give them a slap on the face. #

theage.com.au

28, YARDLINE!

A month ago, one of my most important life projects just ended with a failure. If you can recall from one of my entries last may titled "Six Months to Live," I told you it was actually my dream to die at age 24. But I successfully stepped through the line, celebrated my 25th birthday with amazing people, and still, I'm alive at this point. Wounded but not dying. Scarred but not dead. Emo, haha.

So since that project has long ceased, I was thinking what next gimmick to pull-off. I honestly still believe it's cool to die young. I'm now 25. So if we do some integral calculations in relation to the inexplicable biological sensation we call 'gut feel', where

I arrived at the conclusion that my new target is... ja-ran! Twenty-eight. Wala lang. Feeling ko lang kasi 29 is too old to die, and within three years I can still die with a Masteral degree if I decide to do it full time. Astig sa derivation di ba? :)

Alright, for people who are taking my words literally, cut the crap. What I'm trying to say is, you really never, never know. So do what you love doing NOW, freaks! Okay, I was talking to myself there. But you get the point. I know I don't have stupid readers. Sooo, let's just talk about this again three years from now, shall we. If I cross the line once more, I'd probably owe you a doctoral degree or a writing stint in NYT the next time. Haha. :D

LIFE IS A FAIR TRADE

This year has been crazy, and I know a lot of people will definitely agree. From national news to the most personal hullabaloos, I know all of us has had a really tough ride in 2012. So before every blogger posts their year-end thingamajig, I'd like to take a foot forward and say my piece. I won't say much, don't worry.

I'll just bore the heck out of you if I say so much cuentos so let me try to get it pretty straight this time. If you're going to ask me the most important thing I learned this year and say it in 5 words, all I have to tell you is, life is a fair trade, and there are three things why.

1. You have to pay for what you want to get --- They say the best things in life are free. True, but those are for abstract happy feelings you'd never want to miss out on especially when you know you're not getting any younger. But the fact is, hardwork (sometimes) is everything. When I get to hear stories of struggle and pain from people, I never fail to tell them how much I envy their experience. Not for being a masochist, of course, but because these bad moments have become their springboards for success. There's not any instant formula to any achievement. It entails sacrifice. It will always ask from you a good price.

2. You have to negotiate for the best deals --- You can't have the best of both worlds, or, you can't serve two masters. We live in an era when we want to do just about everything our brains can think of, and there are very thin demarcation lines today when we talk about certain aspects of our lives. But the truth is, we have to choose most of the time. Grabbing the opportunity is one, but commitment to your craft is another.

3. No return, no exchange --- When we arrive at a decision, there's simply no room for regret. Impossible sometimes as it may seem, you just have to keep on, keep up, and remember that this path is what you have chosen and you have to stand by it no matter what. Again, no matter what. That's why any decision we must make should have been well thought of, well-discerned, and well prayed for. But know, too, that decision-making is one, but setting your expectations is another.

So you be the judge if life indeed's a fair trade. What do you think? I'd love to hear from you. :D

fairtradesource.org

HIATUS

And that's quite literal. The author will be inactive for quite a while (well, that's just from the time you finish reading this 'til November 18th) to give way to a very important project. So please pray for (and bear with) me. Gracias, amigas. :D

Indie-writer