I guess it's but natural to compare old things and habits when you get a chance to see new places. When I first came here, it was just nice to see that airports and train stations were clean, buses come and go on time, streets are safe to walk, cars make a full stop for crossing pedestrians, water everywhere is safe to drink, prices of goods are reasonable, and the environment is generally peaceful. Before I left though, one of my friends said, "Give yourself a week to adjust, then you'll see." Indeed but unconsciously, I started missing things little by little. I missed having to wake up early to get rid of traffic, working at 2 in the morning, cooking for the family, preparing for Households, getting scared of going home late, Sunday mass, UP and jeepney rides, Tumana, Technohub, Megamall --- everything and everybody I've been used to in the past years just come flashing back in my head every now and then. I'm a very nostalgic person, and when I say "I miss" something, it means missing the feeling that comes with that beautiful memory. So yes, this is the very reason why I sometimes intentionally get up before dawn here --- because I wanted to get in touch and chat with people I am familiar with back home.
Bit by bit, too, I started to dislike two facts of life here. One, that everything's just too convenient. For someone who grew up in the third world, hardship is a part of life; and it makes me uncomfortable how comfortable things and people are here. So what are people actually living for? Second, that I'm doing things here for me alone. It was very timely though that around the same time that I'm feeling this, Pao, one of my former officemates, told me, "Ate remember, hindi lang yan para sa sarili mo." In a snap I was reminded. That line made perfect sense. Indeed, I have to accept the fact that everything I do here is part of the dream I wanted to achieve. I know what I am fighting for, but I cannot choose the battles that can come with it. In the littlest of things, my patience, endurance and faith will be tested, and I'm going to have to lose part of the familiar along the way.
I'm not yet in the verge of homesickness. I might be missing things, but I realize today that I'm happy. I'm happy not because I'm away from thousands of my country's third world problems, but because I realize that I was actually very happy with my life back at home. In fact it is now that I appreciate coming from a third world even more. It may not be a first world life that I live, but it's a life I lived with people, for people, with love, and for love. And I am proud to say today and every single day that my country is beautiful, and so are my people. Those are the very things that's going to keep me for now.
Today, another week has passed. Although the first week has excruciatingly been slow, this one went by pretty fast. So maybe two years won't be so long after all. I would just need to remind myself to resist the feeling of resistance more often. And I would be needing your prayers more often too. #
